I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
