At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
