its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
