as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
