Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
