I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and she was petting her beer can
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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