This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
