you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
