happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
