remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
