When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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