it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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