You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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