ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
