If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
