his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm having to shit out rocks
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