My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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