I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
