oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
