It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
