Say something about gay babies.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
