I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
