Pants 0. Shit 1.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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