...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
