Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
