im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
