I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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