My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
