I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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