Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
