please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
