I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
