You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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