I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
