New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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