Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
