i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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