we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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