WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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