i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
