Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
