Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
