do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
