im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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