I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
