Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
