I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
