There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
