you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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