You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
