About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
