I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
