You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Operation Purity has been aborted
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
