Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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