i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
